Valentine Forgiveness

Why would my father, prior to his death, request that my ex-husband be a pallbearer at his funeral? Did he forget that this was the man who walked out on me with one of my friends, leaving me with two small children? Their affair devastated me! It took many years to pick up the pieces. My life and the lives of my children were forever changed because of this one event. Sometimes writers make minor changes in articles (recycle) so they can reuse for other publications. This article will appear on Feb 17th on the blog Thoughts in Progress. Because I feel  this is such an important topic, I decided to preview it today on my own blog. I think we under utilize and underestimate the power of forgiveness.

Many years after my fathers death, I came to understand that he was trying to teach me a valuable lesson – how to forgive the unforgivable. As a minister this was what he preached and lived his whole life. It seemed so easy for him but I struggled with this for a very long time. As Valentine’s Day approaches, I find myself divorced and wondering if I’ll ever find true love. I’m content with where I am if this never happens. I’m happy to say that because of all my life experiences I am better at forgiveness. These are a few things that I’ve learned:

Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself. When you harbor angry feelings against someone it festers inside you like poison. Many times the other person never admits any wrong doing or never asks for your forgiveness. People react differently to hurt and some wrongs are more painful than others. It doesn’t matter who is right or wrong – people are entitled to their feelings. Not forgiving someone prevents you from having a fulfilling relationship with them as well as preventing you from being all you can be. You might feel like you are getting back at someone by not forgiving but you are only hurting yourself. For the Christian, forgiveness is expected. Christ said we are to love our enemies and forgive those who mistreat us. He will not forgive us if we do not forgive others. We are to forgive someone not seven but seventy-seven times.

We should always try to forgive others but forgetting is the hard part. We can forgive the people who hurt us the deepest but often events trigger our memories.  The memory is not a reason to remind them of how bad they hurt us but rather a reminder to us to set boundaries. We should forgive those who mistreat us but don’t allow them to continue hurting us. You can learn to forgive others while keeping them at a safe distance. Forgiveness is never easy but it’s a behavior we can learn, it’s a choice and it’s always worth the effort.

It has been 23 years since my father died and I have to say that his final lesson was the most difficult to understand but also my most rewarding one. Since his death I’ve had numerous opportunities to practice forgiveness – sometimes I wonder if my life keeps repeating events so that I can master the lessons its attempting to teach me. As I’ve aged and buried family and friends, I have a better appreciation for mending and maintaining relationships. This often involves much forgiveness.

When Ties Break, my memoir, is full of forgiveness stories. Many people tell me that it reads like fiction but it’s all true. My purpose for writing it was to show that you really can survive horrific events in your life – even thrive. Thank you for reading my blog. I hope that I’ve inspired you to practice the act of forgiveness, not just at Valentines, but every day of the year.

Is there someone in your life that you need to forgiven? Is so, what are you waiting for?